My First Entry

I've never done any kinds of blogs or writing prior to this, and have done very little talking about my condition outside of a doctors office. I'm not really sure what to talk about or who will even read this. If anyone will ever read this? I guess a good place to start is why I have decided to put my experiences out there.

Pretty much my whole life I have battled with Tourettes (T.S.) and the awkward social situations it has put me in. I always tried to ignore the fact I had the disorder and thought, if I don't talk about it, I don't have it. Well, I haven't talked about it most of my life and guess what, I still have it! I think it's about time to start talking.

From what I can remember, I have presented symptoms of Tourettes since I was about eight-years-old. The tic I first started with was a head shake. I don't really remember how it came about or when it became noticeable but I do remember seeing another boy in my class that had the same tic as me. I think seeing him made me conscious of my own head shaking and realized something was different about us. I remember watching him thinking, do I look like this when I shake my head? No, of course not, I have control of my body, not like this other kid. Even though this is what I was thinking, this obviously was not the case. I hated to think about everyone in class seeing me like this and the things they might say. I remember classmates talking about the other boy in my class and making fun of him. Not neccisserly to his face but still making fun of him. 

To my luck that year I didn't have anyone make fun of me, at least to my knowledge, and school went by smoothly. I had a lot of friends, I was athletic; played baseball and basketball, and had many girls chasing me around the playground. I wish it was that easy when I was in high school and college! The fact was, no one seemed to notice or care. I didn't even let the T.S. bother me because it was never an issue. I was doing what all other young boys were doing at that age and having a good time. 

Sometimes I wish I had the courage that eight-year-old on the playground had with excepting and not letting the disorder effect who I was. I guess it's easier when your a kid, no stress, not much responsibility. When you get older everything seems to be a competition. Whether it's over a girl, a job, a promotion, the list goes on, and when people want something bad enough they will do what they have to in order to achieve that goal. People become viscous and don't care who they hurt as long as they accomplish what they want. This is one of the biggest fears I have come across while dealing with T.S. The hurtful experiences that might occur as an adult while competing against others for success. I will touch upon this topic in future blogs.

Ultimately, through writing these entries and conversing with whom ever reads my story, I hope to find the courage and strength I need to finally free myself from the shackles I feel are holding me back from my true potential. To let go of this fear and stop worrying so much what others think. It is also my intention of being able to help others facing these problems and guide them with the knowledge and experiences I have endured.

Until next time, enjoy reading and please ask any questions or leave feedback